In life and in my body psychotherapy work with clients (also called somatic psychology or somatic therapy), I constantly witness how we get in our own way.  How all the “noise” – the mind-chatter, the fear, the “shoulds”, the emotional backlash – covers up what we really want to do.  I was talking to a friend the other day who is having marriage problems and I said to her, “what is your truth about this relationship.  What is your heart’s desire?”  We get lost in our relationships and in our lives in our own story of the way things “should be”.

It’s easy to get caught up in the “noise” when we approach it from the mental level… we try to analyze it, figure it out, let the mind wrestle with it.  Did you know that there is a much more direct (and in my experience more effective!) way to deal with the “noise”?  Approach it through your body awareness (vs. the mind) and see what happens…

When I get lost and caught up in chaos and confusion, it’s a red flag for me to take some time and move from my mind into my body.  I take my breath into my belly and deep into my pelvis and listen.  Listen to the confusion, the noise, the upset, the disappointment, the judgments, the criticism and whatever else is in there… I stay with that for a minute, feel it, and observe it.  Then I listen a little deeper.  Because underneath all the noise is the answer.

It can take a little bit of practice and some support the first few times.  But I do know again and again that when I go inside, I find the answer.  Now, it may be that I uncover the resistance that is holding me back from moving forward (which is a blessing because then I can deal with it) or maybe I experience an insight “aha” moment that clarifies my direction or next step, or the obvious answer just pops right up.

Take the example of one of my clients this week.  She thinks she is confused about what she wants to do in life, but she actually has a very clear voice of her path… when it is given a chance to express itself.  This “voice of truth” lives underneath the other “noisy” voices and can be accessed through the core of the body.  This wise aspect is very patient; it won’t shout to compete with the “noise”, and it is willing to wait to be heard.  In her body, it lives deep within her belly/pelvic area.  This voice inside is very clear about what she is here to do and how to get there… it is simply unwilling to fight all the other aspects to be noticed.  Once accessed, it has very direct wisdom that tells her everything she needs to know.  We all have this within us.  In this way, the answers we seek really are inside us just waiting to be tapped.

So, take a moment right now and breath deep inside, letting the breath flow in and out, deep in your belly.  What is underneath all the noise in your head (or elsewhere in your body)? Wait for it.  Hold there.  Now, find that place deep within… as deep as you can go.  Connect in, and listen for the answer because it is there.

Please write a comment or email me and let me know what is your truth underneath the “noise”. Or what block is stopping you from knowing what your truth is?  I would love to hear from you.

Recently, two of my clients had major realizations about why they were feeling powerless and trapped in their lives, stuck and unable to move forward.  Both were struggling with the direction of their career and relationship issues.  Both described how lost and directionless they felt, and how they didn’t know how to break out of this cycle.  Both yearning for the self-confidence to be able to enjoy their life, step into the career that is right for them and find the relationship they truly desire.

The first client (I’ll call her Suzy) shared about how she feels she cannot move forward with her career, and that she is always sabotaging relationships.  As she was speaking, I asked her what she was feeling in her body.  She described feeling tight and tense in her belly and chest area.

The other client (I’ll call him Joe) was very angry about his life and that he did not have a father figure “like everyone else”.  His father had been an alcoholic and now he was visiting him in a mental hospital and feeling very bitter about doing that.  Again, I asked him to feel into his body and tell me what he felt.  He also described a tight and contracted feeling in his belly.

Together, we delved more deeply into the body sensations and we discovered something critical!  What we found was a young part of them (the inner child) who felt abandoned, ignored, and desperate to be loved.  For both Suzy and Joe, this was a part of them that they had completely forgotten about and neglected… and who is actually the key player in their search for fulfilment in career and relationship.

By bringing awareness into the place inside your body where you hold the tension, pain, and feelings, you are able to access the incredibly important “information” that your body is holding.  Both Suzy and Joe found in the tense part in their belly a part of them that was forgotten.  What do we do when we find this? I often use the analogy of walking into a room and there is a part of us shrivelled up in the corner, forgotten and abandoned.  Maybe this is where you suppressed your dreams, or stored some earlier trauma or pushed aside something you were yearning to do.

How would you approach this part of yourself that has been pushed into the corner? Again, think of how you would approach a scared or timid child, or an animal that is cowering.  Think about how you would walk into the room and be with this part.  Would you rush up to it and grab it or try to lecture it or punish it?  Most likely you would sit down and just “be” with it.  It would take some time to let it get used to you and slowly begin to build a relationship with it.

When we enter the body and discover these new parts of us that have been long forgotten, it takes some time and patience to get to know them, to start listening to them, and to integrate them into our lives.  It takes time and a committment to re-inhabit our body, and to trust what it is telling us.  I continue to work with this on a daily basis myself.  However, if we are looking for the joy, the juice of life, the passion to live our dreams, then we must bring our awareness into our body and learn what it has to say.

The Inner Child is very real and lives in our body.  And until we become aware and conscious of it, it runs the show!  Often in ways that are anything but what we want.  The good news is that by finding this part of you in your body, acknowledging it, and then beginning to build a different kind of relationship with it based on love and trust… your entire LIFE can change for the better on every level.

Check out the BodyTip for this month… it’s a simple exercise to connect to your inner child in your body and to then start to build a different kind of a relationship with it.  This process is so key to our feeling of power, confidence and happiness in life.

Let me know what you think!  Ask a question!  Share your experience!  Leave a comment below or send me an email.  I look forward to hearing from you.